Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Truth

It depends on who you talk to, is there really anything that is absolute truth? Each adoption story is so different so what is "true" for one person/family is not so for another. There is no typical adoption experience for any part of the triad.
For example: there are adopted children that have felt like they don't belong with their adopted family and want to find their birth family. Other adopted children feel like they fit perfectly and are not bothered about finding their birth family in the least. Of course there are adoptees that are in the middle as well that love and belong to their adopted family, yet have a pull on their heart to find their birthmother/family even if it is just to meet once, while others meet and start a new relationship that continues indefinately.
Now what is the truth about Birthmothers? They are scary, heartless, uncaring, unloving, and unkind sinners who should be shunned from society, sent away during pregnancy, treated rudely by the public, they could not do anything right in their current life or the future. Is this the truth?
My next question is --- do you know me? If you beleive any of the things above about birthmothers please take a moment to get to know me. I have a big heart, I truely care and love people, sometimes too much. I try to be kind especially to sinners -- (ok that is everyone)-- but when it comes to my boys I could not have loved, cared, and been more kind and gently to them. Heartless, well that did not come untill after they were placed when they each took a part of my heart with them and left me with a huge scar in the place where the parts of my heart were torn out and that scar is one of those ones that hurts even after it has healed. So the truth you may know about birthmothers is simply not true at all. The "truth" is: Most of us are college educated with great jobs and many of us are "do gooders" in the community. You may be friends with a birthmother and not even know it, as history has proven it is better to hide the fact that we are birthmothers than to share the truth with others, keeping ourselves shielded from the shame or disapproval of society.
Adoptive parents please find out the truth, do not let horror stories way in and snuff out the truth. I've watched those same tv shows as you, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Montel, which ever one it is, and while you are horrified I and distaught to think that one story is speaking for so many stories that are not horrifing but the complete opposite. Adoptive mothers let me tell my truth. Do not be intimidated by me, do not be worried about your child loving me more or instead, do not fear my intentions. The truth is my children are not mine, nor are they yours, they are the Lords and he has blessed me to even have the opportunity to know and love them, but he has blessed you even more to have the honor of being their mother, the one they run to when they get a scratch, when they need comfort, when they just need someone to hold them. You adoptive mother are the one who goes to their soccer, football and basketball games, their band concerts and their parent conferences. You are the one they love unconditionally no matter how many spanks you give them. YOU adoptive MOM are their mom, nothing can or will change that. Blood may be thicker than water but love is rock solid nothing can break through it. Nothing can break the bond between a mother and her child, you are the mother, so do not waste another moment worring about the birthmother, I am here to love your children from a distance to do nothing but love them, I will be honest and say that I do love them more than words can say on this page, but I know you feel that same and I can see it on your face, in your actions and through your words. The Truth is God made Adoptive mothers, birth mothers and children for love. Truth for you is simply what you beleive. Absolute Truth is that Jesus loves you and God sent him to die for you so you could repent and live forever with Him.

Note: this is not aimed at my childrens mother specifically - at all. I don't know how she feels about me, but that she is grateful to raise the children that I birthed.