Mid January 2010

Wow another year is begining.... I have been thinking of the boys everyday. I can not beleive that they are 9 and 7 already. I'm so happy that they have, seemingly, the greatest parents ever. It's been proven time and time again, that is the decision that I made for them was the best decisions I have made in my life. I've been questioning Nurture and Nature alot.... I really wonder what we have to do with molding our offspring... if we really have much impact at all on who they turn out to be.... decisions that they will make and ultimately what they will do in their life. It seems that many of us waste so much of our lives not serving God with all that we are. We are spending time trying to impress others, live up to what society wants, while ignoring what really matters..... which is Loving God and loving all those people that we encounter each and everyday..... I guess I have moved on to a soap box when really I wanted to take a moment out of my life and talk about what I have been thinking about the boys. Most of all I wonder what they are doing the very moment that I am thinking about them.... sometimes I think that they may be at recess or lunch, or after school doing homework or making cookies with their mom, playing in the snow--- making a snow fort like I used to with my brother every winter. All my thoughts lately are just lovely. I wish that I could hang out with them once in a while - like go to a movie or just play outside but I know they are having a fantastic life where they are and if that does not include me that is ok as long as things are great with them... That was heartfelt honesty for you. I have to get going, and attend to my little blessing on the couch watching a pippy longstocking show. :)
blessing to all you birthmothers.

August Already

It seems like we have not had summer yet and here we are in the final month before School starts. I have been thinkinig a lot lately of the boys and what they are doing with their summer. I know they are playing sports which can never be a waste of time. Both of the boys are athletically inclined. At our last meeting their dad told me he bought this huge motorcycle, and takes the boys on rides around the block. That sounds like a ton of fun. I have been praying that God will find favor in both boys and that they will know him on a very personal basis, and that they might have an understanding of God beyond their years. I have been learning about love the last few months and that it changes, and is different for each person that you love. When you tell one person you love them it is never the same love that you have for another person that you tell you love. Love for my daughter is different than the love I have for the boys. Love I have for my best friend, is simply different than the love I have for my friends and family. Love, how is it that we only have one word for this emotion when there are so many meanings?

The Well - Meeting

I am excited to get started up again soon, I have been through a ton of life change, and I need to figure what is going to work best. If anyone has any requests for meeting time I would love to hear from you. TheWell@live.com
I will post here in the next two weeks when life has some set details.
If you want to just meet one on one please sent me an email and I would love to meet with you. joymichelle100@hotmail.com

Lunch Hangout

Well Saturday my daughter and I went for a two hour drive to meet up with the Boys and their parents for lunch. We met at McDonald's playplace, talked just a little while the kids played. I asked about what the Boys think about my daughter and me, As far as what our relationship is I mean. Well V-their mom- said that she was reading the oldests journal from school, when he mentioned his family including his dad, his younger brother, his step-mom and his step-sister, meaning me and my daughter. She also said there was no mention of her..... that she felt left out - jokingly. That was nice to hear that he thinks about us. So he has not quit figured out the relationship between himself and my daughter. V- also mentioned the younger son has never mentioned anything about us. Which is fine. I refer to the boys as our friends when talking to my daughter about them. D&V said they call me their friend and my daughter their special friend or special sister.
So then we talked about mutual friends from Church, then the rain had stopped so they suggested a local park, which sounded like fun, so we all loaded in their car and went to the park, the kids played, I pushed all three on the tire swing, it was so hot out, then dark clouds were headed our way so we quickly jumped back in the van and headed back to my car. We took a few pictures before giving our "see you laters" and we were off. My daughter fell asleep just 5 minutes into the ride.
I found this visit to be the best in a while, it was really comfortable, I totally enjoyed chillin with the boys and D&V too.
I always feel emotionally drained after a visit, however I also feel contented and refreshed. I love to see how their family functions together and to learn what they are up to and involved in. Big bro is playing soccer and golf this summer and the little guy is playing baseball. They are both very smart and active. Oh and super cute, how could they not be? I have been thinking about the boys often since last week, praying for them, and wishing we could know each other better.

Birthmother's Day is nearing once again.

Birthmother's day is a day set apart to honor birthmothers. Similar to mothers's day in a way. Often times society allows us to beleive that the pain of a birthmother ends with the placement and finalization of adoption. When the reality is that there is not a day that goes by that many birthmothers do not think of their "birth" children. Don't get me wrong the thoughts may just be passing through, but sometimes they linger and become worry or regret. For me there is peace, I often think of the boys and wonder what they are up to, what sports are they kicking other boys butts at? Then I think of how much their parents love them and how blessed their lives are today, this bring peace. The ultimate peace comes in the fact that I know their parents love God and are teaching the boys about God.
I want to take a moment to honor each birthmother -- if you are reading this you have made a hard choice, and you will live with that forever but there is hope for peace in the journey.
If you are at my blog hoping to learn more about birthmothers please feel free to google the word. A birthmother is a gal that has placed a child for adoption, in my case I placed two boys with the same family. I see the boys about one to two times a year. There are three types of adoption. Open adoption -- this is what I have, where I have open communication with the family. Semi-Open -- where either side can contact the adoption agency to contact the other party. Closed Adoption -- the birthmother knows nearly nothing about the child or family, and can only ask the agency to place something in the childs file for her.
Birthmothers day was created by birthmothers knowing that Birthmothers should be recognized, not forgotten and honored for making what could possilby be the hardest choice of their life. I will try to get back with some links to more information soon.

Walkin in a Winter Wonderland

The Well will meet Dec. 18th at 7pm
I guess I'm not so much walking in a winder wonderland as simply in a wonderland.
My first son's birthday was on December 4th. I thought the day went well, I was sick with a cold and did not do much that day, towards the end of the day my mom asked if something was wrong, I said I didn't think so and continued on to say "it is Theo's birthday."
I placed my son, Theo, in the arms of his parents 3 days after his birth, this day is the one that is hard, more than his birthday - people often think it's natural for the child's birthday to be a hard day for a mother that no longer has her child but for me it is the placement day that is hard.
I wonder what God was thinking when he had my nephew - the first grandson that is part of our family - be born on the same day as my first son - the first grandson that is not part of our family - just five years apart. December 3rd or December 5th were available or any of the other 364 days...But God chose to have these boys share a birthday - I WONDER about that.
December 7th was a hard day. I replayed the days events of 8 years ago over in my mind and continued to do so for the next few days. I don't think there is much I remember about 8 years ago, but I can replay about 2 hours of my life, moment for moment perfectly. The emotion of the day is easily seen and felt, the faces are detailed, the moment is crystal. I wonder --- yes I do wonder had that moment not happened, had I parented this child. I wondered. Then Peace fell on me like a heavy down comforter, warming my heart, knowing the decision made was helping fill God's perfect plan for this child's life.
I wonder ... does he know that I love him so so so much. It did not stop at placement and it will not stop ever...I Wonder. I wonder... will we one day be friends. I wonder...who he will become...I wonder... who he will love...I wonder, wonder, wonder so many thoughts filled my mind, I had to stop thinking/wondering and take a nap. The day was well spent thinking and praying for my first child.

My second son's birthday is at the end of the month... his placement day is 8 days later in January. I wonder what feelings that will bring.
I wonder...as I walk this month and this winter.
Walkin in a winter wonderland.

November 20th

There will be no meeting this week, I thought it was Thanksgiving.
Since it is not, I am having a Jewelry party and would love for everyone to join that Party, it would be a great time to meet you. I will also be doing hand waxing at the party. 7pm call me for more info if you are interested.
763-232-0487